It's Been Real, It's Been Fun ... But It Ain't Been Real Fun! (jk)

My apologies: didn't mean to leave everyone hanging I've just been uh a little preoccupied and distracted. But I wanted to give my wrap-up on the PCP.

- I'm glad I did it, and I think it's very much worth the price. If you consider the personalized diet plans, the daily exercise plans and how very hands on and available Patrick is, the PCP is a steal. You will NOT find that at any gym or from any personal trainer. This can be an intimate, honest and challenging experience. Growth, personal and physical, is supposed to be uncomfortable.

- I'm happy about what the PCP taught me. It kind of reset my lifestyle habits which had slowly over the last 10 years or so gotten a little ridiculous. I'm no longer salting my food, I am happy to have cream in my coffee sans the uh spoonfuls of sugar, and I just try to make thoughtful food choices. I recognize now that if I miss out on protein early in the day, I will pay the price for overeating crap later. I became reacquainted with unadulterated vegetables. My disdain for yogurt and bananas is surely galvanized.

- I am a happier person when I exercise. I rediscovered the joy I had as a kid in jumping rope and will keep it in regular rotation. I also like having arm muscles, especially like Fred and Sidney. I lost approximately 10 pounds on the PCP, and I went lower on both a bra size (sad) and a pant size (score!).

- In the simplest terms, I got to know myself better. My triggers in terms of what makes me sing and feel triumphant (checking off my little PCP to do list, really enjoying my meal) and what can derail me (the blues, routine interruption, feeling famished).

- Saying no can be a good thing. I've strengthen my self-control on food, for sure, and it has eked out into the other portions of my life. My choices are more absolute, desired more deeply.

- The PCP got a lot of people in my life talking about their own lifestyle habits and it was insightful to hear their experiences, hopes and disappointments. A few are considering participating in a future PCP session. I myself plan to revisit the PCP after the holidays, starting over with Day 1.

So um yea ... I hate good-byes. Not really my thing. But I do want to say I'm so proud of all the PCPers, I feel like we are all friends even though we've never met but could talk long on the best methods for mixing protein shakes and that awesome shakey walking way of failure. And I plan to be back, so enjoy the holidays (but not too much!!!) and be safe and I will see you in a few months.

luv, mel

The Weatherman called it an Active Week

Photo of my friend's backyard yesterday. Yep, there's even more snow today.

Hello, hello. Just chillin' in my house. No, really. It's like 20 degrees outside with a foot of snow on the ground and it started snowing again just now. Boulder got 21 inches of snow. Um, it's October, people. It's flippin' cold in my garage and my car is now parked in it. No jumpropes for me the last two days. Just some arm bands and stomach exercises but really I would like the PCP to be over with so it's this thing I want to do again. I'm in survival mode. My little crisis with my ex just hangs over my head, and will do so for the next two weeks at least, and not to sound bitter or melodramatic but it makes things like counting grams and and exercising until failure seem unimportant.

I got to thinking about sacrifice lately. And I think you really need to be in the right mindset to complete the PCP. I'll finish it in a few days and I will be really glad, but I don't feel like I completed it the way I could have or should have or hoped for. I think about maybe not being in the right mindset, or how I was and how I am not anymore. I'll be glad when it's over not because I can eat an indulgence I want but it will just be one less thing to do, to worry about. I guess I don't know if I am cut out for the PCP, though I do think about reviving it in January maybe when or if life resumes a sense of normalcy. Remember when life was boring? Right now there is too much drama; I've cried every night for the last two weeks. I find the strength to get out of bed and put on a fake smile for the kid. I feel like I don't have any strength left beyond that really. There is a reason the PCP doesn't take on new people during these wintry months, I suppose. Holidays, travel, weather. My little family dynamic is changing drastically fast and financial worries crowd into my brain. I didn't expect this. It feels like a bomb went off. I feel derailed. Half-hearted. I still pay attention to my food choices, but I could care less if I eat another yogurt ever in my life. ;) Sure I'm grouchy and I apologize because, really, I am a fun person and my college nickname was "cute as a button" because I was so darn chipper and cute, like an LOLcat. And I'm grouchy not because of the PCP, but I feel like I got a second chance and I am not doing so hot with it. And I wish I was one of those people who when life got them down they got angry or used that to overcome adversity but really I am just deeply sad and a little frightened, which is maybe worse. I don't feel like I am strong enough physically or mentally or emotionally these days to deal with my life, let alone the PCP.

That being said, skinny jeans still fit, I rarely think about all the Halloween candy around me and I'm only a few pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight.

Eat Pray Love

In the last 48 hours, I've had a few different people from different parts of my life comment on "how skinny I am getting." One noticed my arms (welcome to the gun show! pow pow!). I felt embarrassed yet pleased. My instinct was to brush it off. It felt weird; I guess I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Truth is, PCP is really the last thing on my mind these days; I feel like a little zombie and there is not joy in it for me. I'm just a little robot trying to complete task. And that's not a reflection on the PCP ... just I'm spending a lot of time dealing with this transitional time in my life concerning parenting, money, and two very different schedules and lifestyles. I look forward to when I can stop worrying about the PCP. Though tonight when I ran to the store to get a few things, I picked up a box of hot cocoa mix, but then put it back. PCP, I can't quit you ...

When It Rains, It Pours

I'm holding on, people, by my fingertips. When I'm not doing have-tos, I'm laying down to heal my brain and heart. Bad news is coming in. Some of it directly affects me. The world, my world maybe, feels like a difficult and scary place at the moment. There is light at the end of the tunnel; I just hope it's not a train.

I know there is good. Fred and Sidney continue to pop a little more. The scale reads a lower number for multiple days (so it must be true, right?). I may need a belt with my skinny jeans; I really hate belts though. And then there's the kid who doesn't ask about Chinese food or Oreos as often. I continue to have a hankering for celery. I struggle with trying to eat enough, sleep enough, move enough, be enough to those in my life. The other day I was questioning if the PCP is just selfish and vain in the pursuit of eye-candy bodies or something that makes us better so we can better serve those important to us, by sticking around longer with better health AND eye-candy bodies.

I miss my old jumprope.

Crisis

Ugh my free time the last few days have been occupied by small fires in my personal life, so I do as much of the exercises (admittedly not all, usually anything involving a bar) as I can in the late night before exhaustion sends me to bed. One of these crisis is with the ex (seriously, don't ever get divorced, it totally, totally, totally, totally sucks), which is a major life changer and will be ongoing, and one was minor and with the child (who probably had H1N1 this week since experts say it's too early for seasonal flu; she's doing better now and went back to school today).

And of course you all know my jumprope broke and I hope to right after I post this to run to a store and hunt one down. The ones at Target were NOT like my beloved jumprope so I'm on a mission, a mission from GAWD, to find a worthy replacement. Also, I'm probably not eating enough historically during these highly stressful times I tend to lose my appetite AND not sleep well) but when I eat it's PCP things (having a thing for green beans, as well as celery lately). So there's that.

Day 104 (Day 70 Revisited): Mountains or Molehills?

- I broke my jumprope while jumping in my second set of jumps tonight. At $1.99 from Target, though, it served me well! Guess I'll get a new one tomorrow.

- I tried some Greek yogurt. Fage brand. First, a tiny spoonful. I made a face. But it was better than regular yogurt! I consider this progress. I then dipped some celery into it. Better! I still hate yogurt. But I tried another new food, thanks to the PCP and PCPers.

- The weather has been cold (in the 20s and snowy) the last few days, and the kid and I both have this sneezy/coughing business going on. She's on the couch now, with a fever and aches. Poor thing. I bought some orange juice for us to drink, and while it may not be PCP, it historically helped in fighting sickness so bottoms up! *sigh* It just feels impossible during times like this to PCP.

Day 102 (Day 68 Revisited): Baby It's Cold Outside

Here is what I woke up to today:

This is my backyard patio, complete with homegrown pumpkins.
Brrr.
It's still snowing.
Temperatures outside: mid 20s Fahrenheit.
Temperature in the closed garage (my new exercise spot):
40 degrees Fahrenheit.
Brrr.
Wish me luck.

Day 101 (Day 66 Revisited): Palate Ponderings

I still hate yogurt. Like really, really hate it. Really. Really really really.
I like pears. Bosc >Bartlett
I might become a vegetarian after this. Or a pescatarian.
I might keep protein shakes in my life after this.
I still hate bananas.
I like apples. Not all of them though.
I like vegetables more than fruit still.
I crave vegetables.
I crave GrapeNuts.
I still crave brownies. Just smaller brownies.
I wonder why they are called GrapeNuts.
I like steak better than chicken.
I like pork better than chicken.
I don't know when I stopped liking chicken.

Day 99 (Day 64 Revisited): Stone Soup

Fall is here in Colorado, and it's very pretty out. Ironic, isn't it, that I link to one of my fave local bloggers, whose web site is userealbutter.com. (Follow @userealbutter on Twitter! She did a presentation last month I attended on "Food Porn." It was HOT.)

Anyhoo, I love this time of year. Traditionally, I stocked up on the following:
- maple & brown sugar flavor oatmeal
- one box of Cream of Wheat
- cinnamon
- brown sugar
- other baking staples, such as white sugar, white flour, baking soda, baking powder, that spray-on butter+flour for pans, wax paper, foil
- one canister of hot cocoa
- staples to make soups and chili

The cooler weather, dare I even say wintry considering this weekend Boulder is expecting snow to fall??!?!?, just puts me in the mood to bake something wonderful in the oven and have a pot of something delicious on the stove. It warms the house, it warms my soul.


Ever read the children's book, "Stone Soup"? One of my childhood favorites.

Anyhoo, with the onset of autumn, I feel kind of lost without this ritual at the moment and, considering I was hoping to be done with the PCP by now, I'm feeling a bit wistful, too. I mean, the PCP has given me great insight into my eating habits, which were indeed naughty, the true culprit of my softening middle and bubble butt, but I like soup. I wonder if I can make a PCP-friendly soup. Or a version of soup (hot food in a bowl). Tomatoes, mushrooms, a protein? No salt, of course. Perhaps a stone?

Day 98 (Day 63 Revisited): Me Dress Pretty One Day

New pic! Had to show off my new shirt. I bought two new ones to PCP in. Boo yah! They're purty. They're mediums. Did I mention they're purty?

Mom and Kid Sister left this morning. The mood lifted in my house. I had a craving for green beans. I also awoke at 6:30a.m. to jump rope in my closed, empty garage, which was a cool 58 degrees inside (warmer than outside!). Fall in Colorado is here, which means anything from sunny glorious days to weather like this week, which is rainy, overcast and ... a forecast of snow this weekend? I wonder if those purty tops come in long sleeve.

Day 96 (Day 61 Revisited):

I've got to make this quick, as I've got two giant baskets of fresh laundry to fold, a quiet house and quickly evaporating energy.

Busy hosting Mom + Kid Sister. But it's been easy to jump ropes in the a.m. before we head out for the day and do strength in the p.m. once we got back. I was wheezy during the entire day today despite the inhaler. Oh well. That's fall for ya. I'm also craving soup. Speaking of cravings ... I've been very disciplined about sweets and such. And then ... my mom baked brownies last night.

Oh. My. God. TORTURE! And from my own mother!

I should have known. Now I've been able to resist baked goods and ice cream, my two sweet weaknesses, before no problem. But this time, I smelled the brownies baking. I'm a sucker for a warm, gooey brownie. And then I watched Mom + Kid Sister eat them. Kid Sister even got to take the two center brownies, my favorites coz they don't have any crusty sides. And then smell, the SMELL!, was all in my house.

I took a bath.

When I was done, everyone had gone to bed. I went downstairs and looked at the pan. I left it uncovered overnight in an attempt to ruin their gooey goodness. The pan is half gone today. At least by not my hands.

Day 94 (Day 59 Revisited): The Good Daughter

My mom thinks I'm crazy: I worked out this morning (4 minutes x 4 sets) and then I worked out tonight (strength exercises). And today on our trip into Boulder, I bought two new tank tops to exercise in for another boost of motivation. But you worked out yesterday ...

So my Mom .... I love Mom. We aren't much alike but she allowed me to shine and be who I am. Her mother didn't allow that for her, and Mom's personality quirks could have followed suit but she didn't. It's a miracle I am hers. Haven't seen her in three years because of time and money on both our parts. She drove out to CO with my Kid Sister, who is 8, from Kentucky. They are visiting for a week; they leave Monday morning. Mom has always been the Dieter. As a kid, I remember the Dexatrim bottle on the counter. Then the various fad diets. Then the pans of brownies and cake that were gone quickly. The XXL tees she scored from the Dollar Store. Sometimes she was heavy; other times she was gaunt. As for exercise, she liked to walk; her timid, cautious and low-key personality prevented her from really trying anything beyond that. She's been into Curves the last year, but stopped going earlier this summer; her reasons were vague. She does, however, wear these Velcro sandals with curved soles which "help" you tone muscle as you walk (?!?!??). I just nod uh-hmmmmm!


Oh yah. This is them. Imagine them with white athletic socks. And sweatpants.

It makes me angry at these companies who sucker these women in; I also am frustrated with these women, including my dear and well-intentioned mother. Sure, she is trimmer than I have seen her in the past but I wouldn't say healthy. On the first day of her visit, we got into a debate because she believes that organic chocolate milk is healthier than regular chocolate milk, therefore she allows Kid Sister to have "only" two glasses of organic chocolate milk PER DAY. I walk downstairs, and Kid Sister starts the day off with 1. a glass of choc milk 2. a chocolate PopTart. Lunch is fries and a shake and a burger patty. Every day she has had a bowl of chocolate covered raisins. Every day so far there have been treats in addition to these "meals." Kid Sister got winded walking around the block with us! As a mother and a PCPer, I totally cringe. I mean, my kid gets the occasional Oreo or whatever but she also gets fruit, vegs and unbreaded protein every day. And Kid Sister prefers to sit on the couch than hit the playground or backyard to play with my Kid, much to Mini Me's dismay. But if I try to engage Mom about their exercise and food habits, she is vague, changes the subject, or shuts down completely. As a former newspaper reporter, I am used to pressing people for details or seeing through the smoke and mirrors to get to the goods. But handling my mom in this manner seems cruel so I have to stop the inquisition and highlighting the giant holes in her beliefs. But I don't want to give up on her.

Day 93 (Day 58 Revisited): I'm Baaaaaaack!

Today I started my PCP extension! On to Day 125! I read that my new start would begin back on Day 58, which is where I left off before The Sickness. I found my pile of PCP printouts, found Day 58 and all my hash marks. Huh. I did this before. I can do it again.

I started with the jump ropes. I was a smidge nervous, as I only did the jropes once after pneumonia and ... I did not like the consequences. This time, I was being nonchalant. This is not a big deal. You are a wuss. Heck Lance Armstrong had mutha-luvin' cancer and he still got back on a bike. And he kicked ass. (Totally was channeling Mike's Monday motivational video so thank you!). I am happy to report that 1. I only tripped twice in the first and third sets of 4-minute jumpropes, three times in the second set, and once in the final set. 2. I had to take my inhaler after the second set. Hello, wheezing! But after a breather, literally, I went on to finish. I was very happy that I still like to jumprope, that I still had a bounce in my step, and that my limited breathing strength has perhaps made me slow down to the appropriate speed for timed jumps. Before I was like the hare, zoom zoom zoom!


[Art by louisiannadeanna]

Now I found my pace for the timed jumps. Nice! To get back into the groove, I tried to imagine myself in a variety of situations where jumping was crucial:
- Olympic hopscotch
- I'm a Harlem Globetrotter
- I'm riding a giant pogo stick
- I'm creating a new dance move which will take over weddings and class reunions by storm
- I'm up against Hillary Swank in the title character in Million Dollar Baby
- My driveway is actually a giant trampoline
- I'm a contestant on Wipeout!

Got any better ideas? Bonus points for the ridiculous, cute and absurd.

Hiatus: Which Side is Up?

So it's Day 89 for my wave of PCPers and I won't be among them truly finishing. Like Heather B., I'm signing on for an extended, slightly different version of the PCP Original. I've been grappling with how I feel about it. Lucky and unlucky. Lucky in that I get to finish; I *really* want to be one of those PCP Hall of Famers with the COMPLETED stamp on my blog. Unlucky in that today, instead of wraping it up with celebration, I still am wrangling with the PCP mindset now with less than favorable conditions (my mom's weeklong visit coupled with her unhealthy lifestyle, fall weather which can be dicey and full of asthamtic triggers like cold air and more germs ~ catching pneumonia during the time of year when I am most fit, when the weather is most kind to me rattled me a bit and so I look to the coming colder months with a bit of dread and heightened level of caution. Double grr!)

So yah, getting pneumonia sucked, set me back a bit and now I'm looking to a new finish line on the PCP of Day 125. *sigh* Not thrilled, but happy to have something to finish. Admittedly I've been less enthused about the PCP ever since I got sick. Yes, I may even have a bad attitude. Until I got sick, I did everything to the T on the PCP Original plan of 90 days. No shortcuts, no nibbles, no I'll-do-it-tomorrows which then turn into Nevers. Confession: I'm totally pissed about doing everything right and having something out of my control change the desired outcome. Well, delaying it a bit, how's that? I've been doing some strength exercises every day, which is doable and I feel the muscley fibers at work but I can tell I'm behind where I was at Day 59 (when pneumonia took me down HARD) and I totally suck wind at the jumpropes, which I do a few minutes, until I get winded, which is easily. I feel listless, adrift, not sure how much to do and try so I do what I can but am I wussing out? Am I overdoing it? Is this a pity party? I try not to sweat it, puff on the inhaler and although I'm a bit of a whiner, I'm definitely not a quitter. I want this. I like my skinny jeans ... Fred and Sidney deserved better.

So congrats to my PCP peers who get to wrap it up on Day 90. I'm really proud of you guys and you'll be my inspiration as I trudge on to Day 125. And thanks to the current PCPers who I've been reading daily; you've inspired me too with your energy and optimism and faith that it will turn out for the best, for our best, in the end.

So I'm eager to get started on this fresh start. That's how I am seeing it.

Hiatus: Now Where Was I?

I wanted to write last night but for some reason I could not access Gmail from my home computer. What gives? Anyhoo that minor delay allowed you all to witness my next new adventure on the PCP diet: pomegranate. It's purty, no?

Sorry about the scary knife. Kind of looks like carnage, no? Yeah ... fruit is still not my thing, I'm afraid, though I am fond of my Fuji apples and kiwis. I keep trying stuff out though, which is fun. Am taking recommendations!

Happy to be back with my strength exercises, though the ones using my own body weight, i.e. push-ups and such, are harder on me than the arm band exercises. Am hoping to sculpt Fred and Sidney into tiptop shape. Since I'm a little behind my fellow cohorts, who are in their final days and looking so good! go team go!, I'm just trying to find my mojo again. FYI: I picked up where I left off at Day 59 and do what I can until I tire, which is still easily after a long day at the office and as a mom. Must try to divide and conquer, with jumpropes in the morning and strength training at night.

Thanks for your patience!

Hiatus: And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program

Today I heard something I hadn't heard in two weeks: a grumbly tummy. That's right, folks! My appetite is back. I've been slowly introducing dairy and meat back into the diet as much as I could stomach it. I also had some a.m. and p.m. snacks the last two days. Would like to try to include protein shakes tomorrow and see how that goes. After that, I should be pretty close to normal PCP schedule. Hoorah!

Also I was worried that my energy shortage would never end. I don't think I can stress this enough: I live a full schedule. But I kept coming home from work day after day after day just zapped and, after the parenting and house duties, I would crawl into bed soon after my daughter fell asleep. And then yesterday it seemed to get worse: I went to bed at 8 p.m. and awoke this morning at 8 a.m. WHOA. Twelve hours of sleep? When will my old routine return? Is this a relapse? But I got home from work today, did the Mom thing, felt peppy even and after some reading homework with the kid, I thought I would try a few sets of arm band exercises.

It felt good.

Especially with the Biggest Loser premiere on tonight playing in the background. Especially when I used to watch that show last season while eating ice cream (!!!!). Oh how much has changed!

Hiatus: Lectures and Listening

Argh. I'm embarrassed, perhaps ashamed to be writing this. I thought I would be up for hitting the jumpropes this week or maybe just a little arm band action. But after full days at work to catch up from my sick days and my trip away last week, as well as coming home each night to my other full time gig, motherhood, I was spent. Like truly exhausted. This night owl is now hitting the hay just after the kid. And this light sleeper is falling asleep quickly and deeply until the munchkin wakes her up in the a.m.

I also heard (endured?) a few lectures from caring loved ones about taking it easy, i.e. NOT exercising, to avoid relapse. This includes my friend, the freelance reporter who writes health stories, my cardio kickboxing instructor, co-workers and oh yea my mom. And I thank you and love you all for wanting to protect me and keep me safe and healthy. Asthmatics already have compromised immune systems and I continue to cough, sniffle, use my inhaler and feel fatigue. And while I might *feel* up to it or want to get back into the swing of things, I could fall victim to another bout of lung infection or worse (the university where I work is now inching towards 400 cases of probably flu, regular and swine), they warn me ~ and I worry. It's a concern I have and one I know well. As an energetic kid with asthma, I had a lot of relapses from not taking it easy, i.e. allowing enough recovery time, after lung infections. I hoped back into regular life, playing on the playground or playing my sports and my bad cold at home morphed into a few weeks later with me back on meds, or worse, exhausted and struggling in the hospital or the emergency room hooked to an oxygen machine.

But how much time is enough to recover? How do I know it's not just me being a wuss or, say, avoiding exercise coz it's hard and sweaty and smelly?

My appetite continues to increase in small ways. Dairy is still questionable, as is meat though I try. I often just get a few bites or sips and then stop. Vegs and fruit are more successful; I craved my cucumber bits and cherub tomatoes, and my beloved fuji apples. I've lost some weight, though I worry it's my hard-earned PCP muscle and not that darn sticky fat.

Tomorrow should be a low-key day here at the homestead, so I would like to try any arm band exercises if I have any energy after doing the normal day stuff (parenting, cleaning, laundry). The weather has turned cool here in Colorado, another factor that can affect my breathing. It was in the 50s and rainy today, very chilly. Warmer air is typically best for me. Again, just listening to my body and what it needs at the moment. And hoping it's the right reasons.

Hiatus: A Recap

Hello friends. I've missed you.

I'll tell you a little about my time off the PCP. Last Monday, I got my pneumonia diagnosis. I stayed home from work Monday and Tuesday. I took some super antibiotics for five days, and they worked in my body for 10 days. I take my inhaler every day, every four to six hours. I didn't eat anything except for three popsicles and two pieces of toast for five days. I lost a few pounds. I slept a lot. I broke my fever. I regained my appetite, but it's much smaller than before. The thought of milk or yogurt disgusts me (and you're supposed to stay away from dairy when you've had a phelgm issue so ....) I worked four hours last Wednesday, six hours last Thursday and a full eight hours last Friday. On Saturday, I flew home to Scranton, Pa., for the first time in seven years and stayed with my high school BFF.

I had a wonderful homecoming with friends. I had my long-awaited second indulgence: a mishmash of local foods such as Sicilian pizza, New York style pizza, a potato pancake, Hershey ice cream, a sweet tea vodka sour. I can't believe I didn't have any Yuengling beer or Tastykakes. What was nice/not nice was that my appetite was still small so I only had a few bites of any bad foods and my coughing kept me from any overeating (coughing + full stomach = total wanna puke feeling).

So I got back into Colorado late last night. I unpacked, showered, and went to bed. Today I went to work for a very full and busy day. I unexpectedly had my daughter tonight, so the only thing I got done after work was grocery shopping since I had no fresh PCP food in the house. The kid got dinner and a bath. I got to write this, as I already feel spent. Sadly, the exercise I had planned is not going to happen tonight. When the kid goes to bed shortly, I plan to as well.

While I feel the best I have yet since before I got sick, I don't have the level of energy I had before. I get tired after a few hours of my normal, hectic life. I am losing hours a day because of it! And that is frustrating. I also had a few people question if the PCP led to me getting so sick! As in: my body was so busy exercising/repairing muscle that it did not have the resources to fight off a germy lung infection.

During my hiatus, I was happy to report that I could see the PCP's influence in action. I had one coffee ~ Dunkin Donuts, baby! ~ every day. I felt like besides the collective indulgence of East Coast noms noms, I made PCP choices (cheese and fruit over a giant greasy salad, grilled chicken, small portion of pasta ~ forgot how much pasta is served with every meal in Italian culture!). All I know is ... is that I miss my jump ropes, even a few times laying in bed pretending to jump with my feet against the footboard. I liked my arm muscle definition as we went out and about and I felt fit and proud. I'm eager to get back, even at a lighter pace. I'm worried about the jump ropes and if it will take my breath away, but it's time to get back. Thanks to you all for the well-wishes. It's been a reflective time for me, and I'm happy with what the PCP has brought me thus far and I'm prepared to see it through with you all.

Day Sixty-Two: The P is Silent

Good news: I don't have swine flu!

Bad news: I have pneumonia.

So what now? Doc gave me two days of home rest, some super antibiotics and an inhaler that's my new best friend until she says so. She said pneumonia takes weeks, if months, to recover from. Don't I know it: had it a few times growing up as a poor asthmatic kid without medical coverage. I wasn't going to the doctors unless I was blue in the face (which sadly happened a lot). So hey! This time I got the diagnosis of pneumonia BEFORE I needed hospital care! I consider this progress.

So what about the PCP? Patrick and I discussed today and we agreed that I would take the next week off and then we will revisit this matter. My only hope right now is to breathe through my nose again and not get winded unloading the dishwasher (today's true story).

Not gonna lie: I feel a bit cheated out of my path to PCP victory. But Patrick urged me not to feel that way, that once I get back to the PCP it'll come back and my healthier body will help me recover faster. I hope so. He also encouraged me to blog still, so I will if I have something enlightening to say.

Thanks to everyone for their kinds thoughts and well-wishes. I appreciate them!

Day Sixty-One: I Didn't Order the Pork

Day Three of The Plague. It's been a rough go. Thank god for nice neighbors who brought me soup and offered to take the kid (she stayed, wanted to take care of her momma).

Symptoms: Fever of 100+ since Friday night. Chills, aches, lost of appetite, vomiting (just water) last night, congestion in chest and head. I haven't been ill like this in years. Sure I've had a 48 hour norovirus but that at least has an end. This just keeps going ... and throw on top of this parenting (the kid has been perfect though, quietly playing downstairs as I maintain my germfest in my bedroom. sure the house is a wreck but at least only one of us is sick, right?)

Yes, I will visit the doctor tomorrow. Trying not to think about swine flu (but totally thinking about swine flu).

Day Sixty: The Plague

Still sick.

No eat.

No exercises.

Just sleep. For almost 24 hours now with a few waking moments here and there.

Not exactly what I envisioned for Day 60 post.

Bummer.

How do I recover? How do I catch up on PCP? And when?

Day Fifty-Nine: If You Want To Destroy My Sweater

I have asthma. Since I was four. Countless hospital stays, emergency rooms visits, breathing treatments, pills, inhalers, oxygen masks and once Last Rites when they didn't think I would live.


Once I grew up and scored full-time employment, a mere six years ago, I was able to enroll in health care and my asthma seemed to disappear as I was able to afford preventative care, treat my triggers, get weekly allergy shots and annual doctor visits. After all this, I forget sometimes that I have a condition that affects 17 million people in the United States, killing approximately 5,000 every year.

But I was reminded today: as I walked the kid down to her school, large mowers were trimming down the fields of tall grass surrounding the building. Cut grass lay all over the sidewalk and blew in the wind. By the time I got back home, I was wheezing. And I wheezed all day; I felt out of breathe. I still do. Like a stack of bricks on my chest. Or trying to breathe through a pillowcase over my head. So I'm taking a night off because I know my limits. Pull this thread as I walk away ...

Day Fifty-Eight: Burn, Baby, Burn

So yeah ... my muscles hurt. But I like it. So do Fred and Sidney.

Day Fifty-Seven: The Ties That Bind

I talk to my mom every weekend. We are not terribly alike, but I look forward to these phone calls. I have a lot of relatives, but not a lot of family, ifyougetwhatimsayin'. Mom is always there for me in the proverbial sense. I can make her laugh, and she can make me feel like I can do anything.

She arrives here in late September for a visit, right during my Day 90 completion of the PCP (a little more than a month away ~ woot!). She lives in the South these days, so distance and money keep visits far and few between. Like three years in between. As you can imagine, we are excited for her visit to Colorado for one week. I was asking her on the phone what groceries I need to buy to keep her happy at my homestead and she said something to the effect of "nothing weird ... none of that healthy stuff."

At least that's what I heard. See I was raised on Tuna Helper, Campbell's Tomato soup (milk recipe), Tang and the occasional block of orange government cheese. Mom was never an adventurous eater, either; and to top that off, she was a yo-yo dieter. And she bakes. A lot. She's very good at it. Ruh-roh ...

I'd like to end the PCP on a good note, but Mom is already asking for burger-and-shake places. Hmmm. I love Mom, but this is an inheritance I wish to avoid.

Day Fifty-Six: Important Notice

Sometimes I feel strong and toned. Sometimes I feel weak and soft.

Sometimes I feel that in the same day. The same hour even.

I feel my limbs, looking for evidence. I tug at the skin, the chub.
Is it smaller than before? Are there muscles under this?
Does anyone notice? I don't sometimes.
Maybe it's all an illusion. Maybe it's just in my head.
In my dreams ...

But then my neighbor says, in the midst of his surprise party:

Hey, you're really working hard. I see you out there every day.
I'm impressed.
His wife, on a different day, says:
No, I can tell. This shirt would have been snug on you before.
And my former coworker and pal,
who lives nearby, caught me by surprise as he ran by and teased:
hey grrrrrl! work it! lookin' smooth!
He said I was rockin' it. That he couldn't do this.
(I don't believe that, by the way.)
And my friend, the one who runs marathons,
teaches yoga and rides in statewide bike tours, says:
i've totally started reading your pcp blog before i work out.....a nice little motivator*
i love how real your blog is...
I got veklempt.
My frown turned upside down.

So thank you,
the people who notice
or pretend to notice
and let us know that you notice
because we notice when you do.

*this blog entry is dedicated to my dearest friend, Cara.
my first college friend

BFF
godmother to my child
birthday girl (happy 30th!)
first-time home owner as of today
xoxoxo

Day Fifty-Five: Picture This

Today was hard, and I felt like at this stage it shouldn't be. Not to say I couldn't be challenged per se, but why do I feel more like quitting than before? Grouch, grouch, grouch ... I don't feel like I have any good reason to grouch, either. So to pep myself up and avoid sounding ungrateful (I truly feel that at times grouching begets more grouching, which is harder to get out of, you know?), I want to post some pics of my "gym." These are the sights I see whilst slaving away at the PCP:

dragonfly by

petal pusher

thunderhead to the north

puffballs in the sky

eerie storm

homegrown pumpkin
thrift store patio table with a fresh coat of paint

Day Fifty-Four: Counting Cards is Bad

Today's high temperature was 98, (sorry only could find a map of yesterday's highs, which were a smidge under today's). That's 13 degrees above normal which broke a record from the late 1800s. I could tell it was going to be a scorcher today. This map is basically the color of my brain on a hot day. I had gotten behind on my PCP exercises due to some unexpected guests/events this weekend (darn you, weekends and your helter skelter lack of routine and schedule!) and so I woke up to catch up on them this morning. But even at 9a.m. in the shade the thermostat read near 80. Uh oh. I did as much as I could, then scurried inside, slammed some headache meds, ate and when the inside temps got to much (I don't have AC), I passed out in a sweaty, dreamy coma for the afternoon to avoid/sleep through the coming mirgaine. It was just too bright and sunny, which took me down HARD yesterday afternoon. It was rough. I didn't want a repeat performance; sleep, food and pain meds help. So do a quiet house.

When I awoke, I was rather chipper and did my usual PCP shopping and went on to finish my workout(s). The mosquitoes are getting smart and nailed me two places bug spray missed: my knuckles and my ears. Which makes it even harder to jump. Man ... I suck at these timed jumps. It's hard to slow down. I also get fatigue in my wrists, ankles and even my fingers holding the rope. I always have to stop for a few seconds, usually with 1:30 to go. And if I try to slow down, I trip. It really sucks when you trip, but then you get the nice sting from the rope against your legs or arms to remind you how much you truly suck. Implement of Torture indeed! To sweeten my timed jumps, which I time with my iPhone, I used a pinball ring tone, so when I'm finished, it sounds like I won the jackpot.

Day Fifty-Three: Shaken, Not Stirred

So I'd like to get a consensus on how everyone deals with their protein powder. I've got a tub of CytoSport Cocoa Bean, which is tasty and mixes better than the previous one I used, something picked off the shelf at my local grocer's. Also tried a small canister of protein powder from Whole Foods. I'm happiest now with CytoSport but ... is a shaker better to avoid lumps? Or blender? Would love to hear how you serve it up, and if you use a shaker, which kind/brand (and where to get it!).

Day Fifty-Two: Role Model? or Rolls Model?

After my bath last night, I was getting dressed and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was in a new pair of skivvies and (sadly smaller) bra and I thought "Hey .... wait a second. I look ... trim!" Well, more trim. But there it was: muscle lines in my upper body, sleek calves, tightening thighs and ... what's this? Possible lines forming on the sides of my torso?!?!? Sure I still have a soft, gooey center, but ... it's smaller; the sides, narrower. NO WAY. See, I've always been a fairly modest person and typically Just Say No to Nudity kind of person (name that movie! anyone? anyone? Bueller? no, not Bueller! But guess! Great, great movie) especially since losing my eighth-grader body shape since the kid's arrival on the scene nearly six years ago.

Sure back then I traipsed along southwest Florida's beaches as a newly-minted 23-year-old vessel of human life in a two-piece, but I was comparative eye candy against octogenarians with breast implants. I was gonna win that swimsuit contest, hands down. But after the Great Birth, I felt deflated and my ego/body/self image never quite recovered. Which I am now reminded of every time I do planks (hello lower torso! I can see you waving to me as I stare down my own shirt! I'm waving, too! See?!?! See? My middle finger? Yep, that's for you, buddy!) *sigh* ... I also get this nifty little stabbing pain in my lower left abdomen that never goes away no matter how many ab exercises I do. I feel it every time with crunches, kung fu sit-ups, leg ups, side crunches. And I often feel sick to my stomach after these sets quivering on the floor. Will I ever feel or look good again?


This body image issue was doubly on my mind as I read this article today about Glamour featuring a photo of a "real woman" who is a plus-size model (ha, yea I know, right?) in this month's magazine. She's the person in the photo above. I was torn: I recognized some of myself in her, with her curves and lumps and dimply flesh yet there is joy and laughter and a messy ponytail. And then a small part of me was suspicious: is this just a ploy to get Fat America 'ok' with their curvy, lumpy, dimply selves? How does PCP fit into this movement of loving who you are physically, even with an unPCP body? Is this movement just breeding physical complacency and even laziness and gluttony? Is being unPCP acceptable if you make it popular? Argh too many questions ... brain freeze.

Day Fifty-One: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Completed my Day 50 and half of Day 51 exercises. I'll do the other half of Day 51 and entire Day 52 tomorrow. I feel good today!


The new menu has big changes: more bananas, protein shakes, AMAYW veggies and no true dinner. The exercise plans has changes, too. I'm adjusting to the timed jump ropes. I've always been more a sprinter than a marathoner, and with PCP it has felt no different. Before I liked to hurry my sets of 100 reps and I got pretty fast. But here I am again doing something new with the timed jumps my shins burn and my ankles and wrists are fatigued before two minutes are finished. I only had one set ~ the final one ~ where I jumped the entire time without stopping or tripping.

This is where it gets hard. But this is where I need to go. Fred and Sidney are excited for more. Pity that tank top season ends in mere weeks.

Day Fifty: No Go

It seems when I lack structure, all hell breaks loose. Today was a new schedule for me and the kiddo, and then some appointments I had made on my day off were canceled last minute which threw off my plans, and then my to-do list grew to 10+ things, and I got them all done by golly and while doing this I managed to eat PCP-ly which was fantastic especially since I really wanted pumpkin bread or a cookie, but see I was no where near a printer today (I don't own one) so I did not have my handy dandy printouts of my workouts and sure I could lug my computer out to the garage or scribble them down on scrap paper, but there's nothing as satisfying as the scratch of my pen making hash marks next to each workout and tiny printed-out Patrick deftly doing his PCP exercises. See I have a thing, I like this way of doing things and it didn't happen today. It'll happen tomorrow but not today unfortunately and now I have a headache and now I'm going to bed. Do I feel bad? A little bit. But I got 2/3 of PCP done today (blog + food), which is not an excuse and it's not enough but it's what I did get done. Tomorrow is back to 100 percent. Actually, 133 1/3 percent ... i was never good at math.

Day Forty-Nine: Lose My Lunch

Today was hectic, running from appointment to appointment. Took kid to the dentist at 8a.m., then scurried to work for a strategy meeting which ran from 9 a.m. to 1:30p.m. and then off to get the kid from her last day at preschool and then off to her ENT specialist appointment, where the mystery of her ear bleeding was resolved. Needless to say, I under-ate during the whole day after my PCP breakfast.

But I avoided the danish at the coffee spread provided for us and at lunch I gave away the chips and GIANT cookie that came with our boxed lunches; I stuck with my order of a modest tuna sandwich, which had very light mayo throughout, thank goodness, and lotsa veggies on top. Mmm. That was tough as most of the prepackaged meals had something forbidden: bacon, chipotle dressing, etc. Tuna even with the mayo seemed the least offensive. I also laughed that the diameter of the cookie was bigger than my sandwich. I got back on track with eating when I got home and made the switched to the now timed portions of jump ropes (seven sets of two-minutes on the jumpropes). I think this will take some getting used to. I was also still very tired today and not in the mood.

Speaking of lunch: The kid starts kindergarten tomorrow! At the kindergarten open house yesterday I received a copy of the hot lunch menu, and oh my. Here are the school district's goals with school lunch and here is this month's menu . Looks like bar food to me. Nachos? Mozzarella sticks? And a variety of fried/krispie chicken forms? And from covering this school district as a newspaper reporter back in the day, I know that the alternative to the daily main meal for the hot lunch kids is your old standby of PBJ. But they use Uncrustables, a prepackaged processed sandwich; click the link to see the nutritional value and ingredients. Yikes, right?

I had long decided since the kid was a pick eater that I would pack her lunch daily; I hate to waste money and I hate to waste food. She likes what she likes and would rather go without that eat something else but thankfully, in addition to our affinity for Oreos, she likes a lot of good stuff, too: bananas, yogurt, unsweetened applesauce, chicken, pasta (whole wheat; she doesn't even notice as long as it looks white), mandarin oranges, juice, milk, etc. But after seeing the school menu, I'll happily pack two lunches, hers and mine, every morning.

Day Forty-Eight: Hot Mess

I apparently needed a good cry tonight, which happen to bubble to the surface RIGHT in the middle of my jump ropes. Totally awesome, let me tell you. In addition to my sweat and bug spray, I was soon covered in my own hot blubbering tears. Like it was bad. But I kept jumping, which at first felt like I might drown in my own tears right there in the dark driveway with all the choking and gasping and blubbering ~ I mentioned the blubbering right? Have I no shame???? ~ and for a moment I was convinced that I would trip on the jump rope, knock myself unconscious and indeed die alone in the dark and no one would discover me until the next morning morning and when they did, they would see either a skunk or feral cat ate half my face. But by goddamnit I was gonna finish those exercises. So I did.

Off to shower and slumber ... and hopefully sanity.

Day Forty-Seven: Right to Bare Arms

Today's exercises included, for the first time, kung fu sit-ups, which for the uninitiated, is a 1. leg lift while 2. hanging from a chip-up bar overhead. Think pull-up meets leg-up. Yea ... these suck. I also felt my regular crunches more deeply today.

First, no doorway of mine would fit my pull-up bar that I purchased. Too big, too narrow. Oh no! But after trying all the doorways, the bar looked to fit in the door to the garage (so not ideal for wintry months post-PCP) and I didn't have the means to get it installed tonight. So off to the nearby playground, which offers a nice array of bars for me to torment myself with. Then, I had a difficult time even just hanging there, let alone lifting my legs up to create an L-shape with my lower body. I had to rest with feet on the platform between each one. I felt a little bad for the profanity I spewed because it was, after all, not only an elementary school but my kiddo's school starting this week. Also, my delicate little lady palms are getting callouses. This, in addition to the inclined pull-ups I'm stuck doing because I completely lack the upper body strength to do even one regular pull-up, is rough on my hands. And the boys always complimented my soft hands ... No more, gents! Sorry! You can blame Patrick. I know I do. ;)

I try not to be disheartened that I cannot do much 0f any of these particular upper body exercises. No one likes feeling weak. No one likes repeatedly failing. But I'm trying to look at it as repeatedly trying so... I've got that going for me, eh? Err ... hey at least I can crank out the inclined pull-ups! Basically, and I've said this to a few people so far, I'm just striving for toned arms somewhere between scary Madonna and svelte Michelle Obama. I just wanna look good in a tank top.

p.s. Here is a pic of a chalk drawing by the kid: it's me exercising with my daughter by my side; she is holding an umbrella over my head because it is raining. Love that she is always looking out for me. (And that she notices I work out, even in the rain. She hates the rain.)

Day Forty-Six: Veghead

Spent a lovely morning at the gym where I finished up some PCP arm exercises from yesterday. People were curious and wanted to know more. Then I went by the farmer's market.

This is all that I scored:

And this is what I picked from my own garden:
And then I went to the grocery store to score my fruit, milk and protein. Still struggling with a loss of appetite. Hard to get through meals. Hope my new purchases help! I think so. I was eating tomatoes off the vine in the rain today before thunder scared me inside. And I already prepped the farmer's market carrots (orange and red!), green beans (so pretty), beets and broccoli so I don't even have to think about them this week. Just grab and go. However I don't plan on eating the sunflowers. Those are just for show.

Day Forty-Five: Half Full or Half Empty?

My Day 45 post. Half way, baby!

So how do I feel?

I'm excited to be at the midway point.
But will I lose steam? Or am I just getting starting?
Is this just a phase? Or a rest-of-life change?
Will I ever eat an Oreo again? Will I even want to?

Stay tuned!

Day Forty-Four: O-Face

(what did you think i was going to write about? sheesh, people)

My MO during this kind of week is utter exhaustion. It reared its ugly head after work, though the yawning started early afternoon. Listless and bored, I got home and climbed into bed for "just a bit" but woke up two hours later. It was dark. Crickets. Coyotes. Bed felt so good I considered just staying until the morning. But I didn't. I got out of bed telling myself I would just do the jump ropes. But then I fell into my usual PCP routine and wa-LAH! I was done and only suffered two mosquito bites. Reminded me of this:

You never regret working out; you always regret when you don't.

Day Forty-Three: A Little Help from My Friends

Thanks to all who had feedback on my utter dismay at coffee being reduced in my diet. *sigh* I'll get over it; I always do. And I don't hate you, Patrick; I'm sorry. That was the java addiction talking. It's being threatened. I know. Coffee is my blankie. My comfort item. My stuffie, as the kiddo would say. I like having one in hand most of the day, even when I don't drink most of the hot bevvie. I also like the ritual of going to get one.

And this next seven days is full of moments where I'd like to have my comfort item at the ready. The kid ends preschool; bye-bye familar and safe cocoon! The kid starts kindergarten; hello people, I will gauge eyes out if my child is harmed, forgotten or left behind in anyway! Nice to meet you! The kid gets yet another inner ear procedure at the doctors, though unsure at this time who will do more squirming and crying, her or me; why Doctor, let's hope this time we FINALLY get to the source of the problem as, no offense, I hope to never see you again. Ok thanks bye now. And this week is a particularly *sensitive* week to tell this female she has to cut back on her coffee consumption. Just sayin' ...

Nah it's cool. I'll get through it. I still get to have coffee just not as much as I'd like and much like a spoiled child I will reign in my emotions and do what is indeed best for me. *eyeroll* I'm kidding. And Patrick, damn you, calling my bluff out with the whole "peak condition or coffee? it's your choice" ~ who do I look like, King Solomon? But I have to say this last week I've noticed has this awesome sense of community and PCP love and support kicking into high gear. Thank you all so much! I read your blogs; I'm amazed that anyone, especially strangers, read mine. I think about you guys when I have my tough moments down in the valley; your kind words, advice and your own tough moments in the valley of PCP help me feel less alone. xoxoxo melanie

Day Forty-Two: I'll Cry if I Want To

The jump ropes were smooooooth today, if I may say so myself. Cranked 1,500 out lickety split with nary a trip amongst my sets and I managed to impress a carload of booming-music, disaffected teens who were cruising up and down my street in their sweet, sweet ride. Thanks, morons.

Also received the next week's exercises + diet plan. FINALLY: a week more of 1,500 j-ropes and then we go to the timed portions of j-ropes. Something new! I wonder if I can hang. I'll probably hate it. But who cares! I want to see if I can do it. Uncool: Patrick docked coffee from my diet. Well, he said we could have one cup a day. Um, hello? You cannot be serious. Now, folks, let's remember this blog post as where I throw a hissy fit.


IDONTWANNA!NO!YOUCAN'TMAKEME!IHATEYOU!WHYOHWHYOHWHYOHWHY!WHYDOYOUHATEME!WHYAREYOUDOINGTHISTOME!ARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH NONONONONONONONOIDONTWANNA!YOURETHEDEVIL!

OK. I think I'm OK now. No, nope, that's just not true.

I've quit coffee before. Like four times or something. And it was sucky every time. Like really sucky. And pre-PCP I was having >one cup in the a.m. and MAYBE >one cup in the afternoon. I was content with this. But now I'm back to a 3-cup a day habit (you SAID coffee was permittable! you SAID!) and now I have to cut back and yes I want to cry. Weep, even. Couldn't I just do, like, extra sets of tricep dips? or side crunches? Please? Pretty please?

Day Forty-One: I See PCP People

I have a similar problem as Heather : loss of appetite. I wake up very hungry, so that's good. But as the day goes on, eating becomes less desirable. I rarely want to eat a full dinner. Also, I've been a carnivore as long as I remember, but lately I have little want to consume protein. But I do (only fish and beef; for some reason chicken really grosses me out lately) and I enjoy the protein shakes. Am considering a shaker. Big surprise: I'm really enjoying my fruits and my drinkable yogurts which was unimaginable a month ago. Tomorrow, Day 42, is the end of yet another week on the PCP. Relief with "just" 1,500 jumpropes. But what's next?!?!?

(just kidding. sort of.)

Day Forty: Coz I Gotta Have Fa-Fa-Fa-Faith UHHHH (Baby!)

I wish I could say Day 40 *feels* like something, either an accomplishment or a continued uphill battle. I mean if you look at the biblical stories in the faith of my upbringing, 40 Days is kind of a big deal.

• Noah was in the Ark for 40 days so God could wash the world clean; he waited another 40 days to leave and step on dry land.
  
• Moses spent 40 days on the mountain chillin' with da Lord
• Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness being tempted by the devil (some days I can imagine just how He felt)
• Then there's Lent ...
  

But this Day 40 feels like just another day. Perhaps this is what Day 91 will feel like. Should feel like? As in ... this is how my life is now. Unbelievable? Yes I've gotta have faith...

WWJD? Perhaps ...the PCP?

Day Thirty-Nine: Out of The Mouths of Babes

The kid just asked me very seriously: "Mom, when can you have Oreos again?"

I've been declining food left and right from her for almost 40 days. Cupcakes and zucchini bread from school. French fries and lemonade at home. She realized today that we haven't baked anything nor have we been to our favorite Chinese food place in a "long, long time." I realized today that she's just like me ...

We are food sharers.

I told her I could have Oreos again in about 50 days. You should have seen her face. *GASP* The horror ...

But despite her/our affection for Oreos and other baked goods, she inspires me on the PCP. She likes bananas and yogurt and eggs and sugarless applesauce. She thinks it's amusing to watch me eat yogurt or a banana with a grimace. I'd like to be more like her sometimes. She eats when she is hungry; she stops when she is not. She loves to be active, and today we went for a bike ride. "I just love to be outside!" she cooed. And fall soccer is coming up, and she loves to pretend she is Cheetara not because she is yellow (her favorite), beautiful or the lone female adult character of the Thundercats, but "because she is a fast runner."

Recently she picked up the word "fat" from one of her buddies; I don't use that word and we had a very serious talk about how often that is a hurtful word, which like "stupid" and "shut up," we shall not use. She's not uttered it since. And likewise she is noticing my new eating and exercise habits (she loooooooves to help me pick out new fruit and veg each week, she loooooooves when we go to the park so I can exercise on the weekends). I hope this PCP mentality is seeping into her brain as much as mine.

Day Thirty-Eight: When Other People Suck

Dear You,

I heard You snicker in my direction as someone asked about the PCP and wanted to see the muscle lines appearing on my bicep. You snickered as you walked by so perhaps you didn't think I would notice, but I noticed. And then I called You out on it. Did you just snicker at me? Why would you snicker at me? I know I'm not as tough or as hardcore as You. But You never judged me before for my size, whether I was willowy or post-pregnancy lumpy. And You see me almost everyday out with the jump rope or writhing down on the floor of a dirty garage attempting ab exercises that You know hurt me physically and egotistically. And I thought You understood because you most of the time help me find the time to fit the PCP into my life and You humor my questions about fitness. And You yourself have something that resembles peak condition; isn't that something I should have, too? Your snicker now makes me think otherwise ...

Your snicker sucked. Your snicker stuck. Not forever, but for now. But You will still find me out with my jump rope and out on the floor of the garage and showing people my blooming muscles lines. So thanks, I needed another motivator.


Sincerely, Me

Day Thirty-Seven: Momma Said Knock You Out

Warning: I'm feeling feisty. This is neither good nor bad. Just is. Punchy. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. You can't catch me! I blame my workout this morning. I only did half before I rushed off to work (all 1,400 jump ropes, all leg exercises, and push-ups --- how I've missed you, one of the few exercises that makes me feel strong and not weak!). But I've had some kiwi (forgot how much I enjoy those), and bought some new protein powder to try, and when I get home later tonight, the rest of my PCP workout awaits me in the dark. Guess which tune I will be humming ...

Day Thirty-Six: Please Answer in the Form of a Question

PCP workouts are tough enough some days, but then I have days like today, where my chatterbox 5-year-old daughter pops in:



Scene: the opened garage at a typical mass-produced house in a typical American suburb. Dusk. A mother is attempting various exercises, including 1,400 jumpropes, bicycles, sets of 40-second planks, and a variety of arm exercises.

Mother, jumping yet another set of 100 jump ropes: (one, two, three, four, five, si-)
Kid: Hey Moooooom? Can I have Oreos?
Mother: (SIX, seven, eight, nine,te-)
Kid: MOM? Can I have five Oreos?
Mom: FOUR. You (ten) can (eleven) have (twelve) four (thirteen. thirteen? four? fourteen? shit!)
Kid: But I want five Oreos.
Mom: (stops jumping) No. You can have four. Or zero if you ask me again.
Kid: Four! (runs inside house)
Mom: Shit. Fuck. Piss. Where was I ...

Ten minutes later...
Mom, attempting bicycle exercise for the first time. Hips popping: One. Ow. Two. Three.
Kid, pops in: Hey MOM! Did you know?!??! There is a bad robot in the Transformers?
Mom: OH YEAH? *only* twenty* MORE ... SEC-
Kid: YEAH, he's really bad. DID YOU KNOW THAT HE CAUSED A BIG FIGHT? WITH THE ODDER ROBOTS? AND HE HAD RED EYES? WHY DID HE HAVE RED EYES? AND-
Mom: YEAH that's great. *pop pop pop* Can you go inside now please?
Kid: why?
Mom: I'll see you in a bit.
Kid: But why?
Mom: I'll see you in a bit.
Kid: OK! (door slams)

Ten minutes after that ...
Mom, counting her reps of pull downs: (one, two, three, sweat rolls into eye, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten)
Kid: Hey mom! HOOOOOOW come this show with da REAL people talk about the Dragon Warrior?
Mom: (eleven) wha? (sweat rolls into other eye)
Kid: *sigh* The Dragon Warrior, Mom! You know!!!! Just like Kung Fu Panda! With Tigress, and the snake and the crane and they all thought they were the Dragon Warrior but NUH_UH! It was Panda! PANDA WAS THE DRAGON WARRIOR! so how can a real people be a Dragon Warrior, too? Why Mom? Why?
Mom: *sigh* I don't know.
Kid: But why, mom? tell it! tell it!
Mom: I don't know. (seven? eleven? shit!)
Kid: why mom? why?
Mom: *sigh* can you go please sit down inside? I don't remember where I was.
Kid: Actually mom, you're *supposed* to say 'Now where was I?' (door slams)

/end scene/

I realize some PCPers with kids have completed the PCP before me perhaps without complaint or distraction, but but but but but .... I felt like I was on Jeopardy WHILE attempting the hardest exercises of my life. Now ... I don't know if Patrick our fearless leader has any offspring, but dude, I'd like to see him complete his toughest PCP workout with a mini Alex Trebeck, I'm thinking ages 3 to 6 years old, with question after question after question while he focuses on new, difficult exercises that are literally ripping his muscles. And did I mention the sweat? In the eyes? Just a friendly little thought I had. With the sweat. In my eyes. With my chatty kid. And all her questions. As my muscles ripped.

Day Thirty-Five: Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another?

As I write this, I'm munching on a plate of beautiful beets and tasty zucchini. Happily. When did this happen? And when did "only" 1,400 jump ropes become a welcomed relief? This last week I've been hardcore cravings for Mexican food and for ice cream. Like very specific cravings, the kind I've only had back in the preggers days. And today, after a sudden, urgent visit to the pediatrician for yet again the kid's chronic ear bleeding and subsequent referral to a specialist, some familiar thoughts visited me ... like how this stress and anxiety would be momentarily relieved only by, say, a cake donut or some cheesy nachos at home. I came home, tried to eat lunch but had no appetite. I had my afternoon snack instead. I took a nap. I woke up and did my jump ropes. Again, my shins are on fire. And my appetite returned. And I have my beautiful beets and tasty zukes. And tomorrow will be more of the same. Yes, please.

Day Thirty-Four: Lay Your Hands On Me

Nothing new to report, except this kink in my upper right body continues to torture me. Might go get a massage to see if I can get some relief that way. Other than that, I'm just sticking to the food and exercise plans and trying not to let self-doubt creep in. Tonight I cooked some garden zucchini with basil, olive oil, garlic and oregano, and made another batch of Shelby's jam recipe (I'm forever eternally grateful!), and my exercises, while not easy, went quickly. Keeping the faith ...

Day Thirty-Three: Head Case

Hoorah! I'm finally where I need to be on the PCP. Got the right foods. Got my exercises for Day 32-33 completed. But it was a tough day. My shins are ON FIRE. The last 100 jump ropes of the day were the worst. I felt like crying. My body was not cooperating. I cursed and threw my jumprope. My frustration this evening grew out of when I got another migraine after my a.m. workout. Even though I got done by 10a.m.-ish, it was already very hot and bright here in Colorado. I tried the usual things to prevent my migraine: wore sunglasses, drank lots of water, tried to stay in the shady spots, avoided the midday hours. But my brain sloshed around inside my skull and I was rendered useless the rest of the day. I peeled myself off the cool couch in the dim living room to do my p.m. workout at 730ish. The mosquitoes were all over me even as I sprayed myself with big spray. Ugh. But I finished. I didn't know if I would.

It's scary: today's exercise is the easiest it's going to get from here on out. That's what I thought tonight as I worked out (I prefer to do so silently since so few of my waking hours are quiet). Once upon a time, doing 1,000 jump ropes seemed insane. Leg ups and sit-ups seemed impossible. Yet I'm doing them regularly and increasingly so. Yes, I realize I'm in a mental valley, and it seems sucky and dark and pitiful and painful. Am looking forward to the climb up and outta here. It's the only way to go from here. See you at the peak!

Day Thirty-Two: Catch Up and Muster

I'm sore today. And Patrick sent us an email today about stretching. Serendipity?

I feels as though as there are not enough massage therapists or hot baths to ease my tension in my body tonight. It's my right shoulder blade area and migrates north up my neck into my skull and straight out the front my forehead. Tension so tight it caused a migraine today. Felt sensitive to movement and light. Sick. Oh well. But I got a lot done: my usual Saturday cardio KBing and belated Day 31 PCP exercise, which went surprisingly smooth for how awfully tired I was at the time. I think my migraine could be blamed on the lackluster nutrition of the last few days (totally my fault that I under-ate; the PCP plan is there for a reason!), lack of good sleep and exercising midday in the hot sun. Duh. Never doing that again! Never realized how much learning I would be doing on the PCP...

Tomorrow is Day 32 workout in the a.m. and Day 33 workout in the p.m. Few things lately are as satisfying as crossing off my exercises for the day. Am happy to report I scored beets and cucumbers from the local farmer's market. Got everything else at the grocer's. Cupboards full again. Ahh. Much better.

Day Thirty-One: You Like Pissed Off? Watch This.

Today was a #FAIL on the PCP. Probably my worst day ever. Pretty much ate the last of my PCP rations on hand, which included a drinkable yogurt, some bran flakes for breakfast, baby carrots for the a.m. and p.m. snack, some beef and mushrooms via the Crockpot for lunch, and a whole lotta coffee. Imagine my surprise when I was jonesing for fruit and some veggies. A friend suggested we met up for dinner at Noodles ; sounded like we both could use face time, and our kids love each other so why the heck not? I did my homework and looked up the nutritional info compared to my PCP diet requirements. But the meal I got, a small noodle dish and a small salad both with protein, ended up giving me heartburn tonight. UGH. I haven't had that since I was uber preggers six years ago. Fucking sucked. And when I got home, it was incredibly stormy and rainy, so no double header softball nor PCP exercise. And then I saw that I had left the Crockpot full of beef and mushroom out alllllll day long. Ruined. * I knew I would do this shitshitshit* So lack of good food + heartburn + no exercise = grumpapotamus.

I had some time to cool off though. The kid is traveling with her dad this weekend, so I went to Target luxuriously walking the aisles. I scored some more workout clothes and some smellgood soaps to reward myself with after particularly pungent PCP workouts. Tomorrow I will go to my usual Saturday cardio kickboxing and score my much-wanted vegs and fruits (wanted? when did I want vegs and fruit? progress!) at the grocer's and farmer's market. For now, I'm at home regrouping mentally with a DIY mani-pedi and, what luck!, G.I. Jane on TV. Nothing like a little inspiration ...

Day Thirty: The Big 3-0

Wow! It has just dawned on me that I'm a third of the way done with my PCP wave. Crazy! *high five, fellow PCPers!*

One of the factors in my decision to participate in the PCP was the fact I will turn 30 this coming spring. And I've done a lot in my 20s! But one thing eluded me, and that was true, absolute fitness. Which living in Boulder County, Colorado, is EVERYWHERE. I faced the fact that if I truly wanted to be in "peak condition," there were no longer any excuses. Not motherhood. Not the full-time gig. Not the time or money. I really wanted to look as good as I felt emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, etc. Feeling pretty good so far about my decision. In my 30th year, I'd like to do BRAN , climb a 14er and maybe run the Bolder Boulder. Looking good nekkid would just be a bonus.

Day Twenty-Nine: And the Cupboard was Bare

Not happy today. Not happy with myself at all.

See I went food shopping last Friday and loaded up on PCP foods to last me the week. But then the weekend came, and so did three guests who ate the food (as they should) and gobbled up any time I typically would have spent prepping any cooked and chopped food for this week. Monday came, and I realized that I had less food than anticipated to get me through to this Friday, which is payday. And while I have some flow in the bank, it's already squirreled away for the kid's doctor's appointment tomorrow. She's been having a minor, yet chronic health issue with her ear this summer. Each doc appt is costing anywhere from $45 to $90, depending on the number of meds she needs. And that's approximately what's left in my bank account for the next two days. So no PCP food shopping until then, which means until then, my diet plan is completely off mark. And I feel it!

I've exhausted all protein options, sans a giant thing of stew beef which after two days is still defrosting in my fridge; can't defrost it in the microwave coz it's from Costco, which means, yes, it really is a huge meat ice cube. Nor will it fit in the Crockpot. Must wait. I feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends. I also rationed out my drinkable yogurts to two a day, two fruits a day, and I'm eating mostly vegs from my garden. Tonight, a friend dropped off a spaghetti squash from his garden for me to try (never ate one before!) and so will give that a go. My dinner tonight: Cream of Wheat with cinnamon and milk. Tasty but not at all PCP. But with this week's rainy, cool weather (think Colorado in March, not late July), I needed something warm and satisfying and this was about as good as it was going to get. I'm bummed, but it's a minor setback.

In better news, I got through my exercises despite being a little pissy about my food situation and the inclement weather. It stopped raining enough for me to feel OK about exercising in the dark and dank >50 degree F temps. This is the kind of weather that typically gets my asthma riled up so I am pretty cautious about being active during these times. But I rocked the jropes and subsequent exercises and can now get on with my life.