When It Rains, It Pours

I'm holding on, people, by my fingertips. When I'm not doing have-tos, I'm laying down to heal my brain and heart. Bad news is coming in. Some of it directly affects me. The world, my world maybe, feels like a difficult and scary place at the moment. There is light at the end of the tunnel; I just hope it's not a train.

I know there is good. Fred and Sidney continue to pop a little more. The scale reads a lower number for multiple days (so it must be true, right?). I may need a belt with my skinny jeans; I really hate belts though. And then there's the kid who doesn't ask about Chinese food or Oreos as often. I continue to have a hankering for celery. I struggle with trying to eat enough, sleep enough, move enough, be enough to those in my life. The other day I was questioning if the PCP is just selfish and vain in the pursuit of eye-candy bodies or something that makes us better so we can better serve those important to us, by sticking around longer with better health AND eye-candy bodies.

I miss my old jumprope.

Crisis

Ugh my free time the last few days have been occupied by small fires in my personal life, so I do as much of the exercises (admittedly not all, usually anything involving a bar) as I can in the late night before exhaustion sends me to bed. One of these crisis is with the ex (seriously, don't ever get divorced, it totally, totally, totally, totally sucks), which is a major life changer and will be ongoing, and one was minor and with the child (who probably had H1N1 this week since experts say it's too early for seasonal flu; she's doing better now and went back to school today).

And of course you all know my jumprope broke and I hope to right after I post this to run to a store and hunt one down. The ones at Target were NOT like my beloved jumprope so I'm on a mission, a mission from GAWD, to find a worthy replacement. Also, I'm probably not eating enough historically during these highly stressful times I tend to lose my appetite AND not sleep well) but when I eat it's PCP things (having a thing for green beans, as well as celery lately). So there's that.

Day 104 (Day 70 Revisited): Mountains or Molehills?

- I broke my jumprope while jumping in my second set of jumps tonight. At $1.99 from Target, though, it served me well! Guess I'll get a new one tomorrow.

- I tried some Greek yogurt. Fage brand. First, a tiny spoonful. I made a face. But it was better than regular yogurt! I consider this progress. I then dipped some celery into it. Better! I still hate yogurt. But I tried another new food, thanks to the PCP and PCPers.

- The weather has been cold (in the 20s and snowy) the last few days, and the kid and I both have this sneezy/coughing business going on. She's on the couch now, with a fever and aches. Poor thing. I bought some orange juice for us to drink, and while it may not be PCP, it historically helped in fighting sickness so bottoms up! *sigh* It just feels impossible during times like this to PCP.

Day 102 (Day 68 Revisited): Baby It's Cold Outside

Here is what I woke up to today:

This is my backyard patio, complete with homegrown pumpkins.
Brrr.
It's still snowing.
Temperatures outside: mid 20s Fahrenheit.
Temperature in the closed garage (my new exercise spot):
40 degrees Fahrenheit.
Brrr.
Wish me luck.

Day 98 (Day 63 Revisited): Me Dress Pretty One Day

New pic! Had to show off my new shirt. I bought two new ones to PCP in. Boo yah! They're purty. They're mediums. Did I mention they're purty?

Mom and Kid Sister left this morning. The mood lifted in my house. I had a craving for green beans. I also awoke at 6:30a.m. to jump rope in my closed, empty garage, which was a cool 58 degrees inside (warmer than outside!). Fall in Colorado is here, which means anything from sunny glorious days to weather like this week, which is rainy, overcast and ... a forecast of snow this weekend? I wonder if those purty tops come in long sleeve.

Day 96 (Day 61 Revisited):

I've got to make this quick, as I've got two giant baskets of fresh laundry to fold, a quiet house and quickly evaporating energy.

Busy hosting Mom + Kid Sister. But it's been easy to jump ropes in the a.m. before we head out for the day and do strength in the p.m. once we got back. I was wheezy during the entire day today despite the inhaler. Oh well. That's fall for ya. I'm also craving soup. Speaking of cravings ... I've been very disciplined about sweets and such. And then ... my mom baked brownies last night.

Oh. My. God. TORTURE! And from my own mother!

I should have known. Now I've been able to resist baked goods and ice cream, my two sweet weaknesses, before no problem. But this time, I smelled the brownies baking. I'm a sucker for a warm, gooey brownie. And then I watched Mom + Kid Sister eat them. Kid Sister even got to take the two center brownies, my favorites coz they don't have any crusty sides. And then smell, the SMELL!, was all in my house.

I took a bath.

When I was done, everyone had gone to bed. I went downstairs and looked at the pan. I left it uncovered overnight in an attempt to ruin their gooey goodness. The pan is half gone today. At least by not my hands.

Day 93 (Day 58 Revisited): I'm Baaaaaaack!

Today I started my PCP extension! On to Day 125! I read that my new start would begin back on Day 58, which is where I left off before The Sickness. I found my pile of PCP printouts, found Day 58 and all my hash marks. Huh. I did this before. I can do it again.

I started with the jump ropes. I was a smidge nervous, as I only did the jropes once after pneumonia and ... I did not like the consequences. This time, I was being nonchalant. This is not a big deal. You are a wuss. Heck Lance Armstrong had mutha-luvin' cancer and he still got back on a bike. And he kicked ass. (Totally was channeling Mike's Monday motivational video so thank you!). I am happy to report that 1. I only tripped twice in the first and third sets of 4-minute jumpropes, three times in the second set, and once in the final set. 2. I had to take my inhaler after the second set. Hello, wheezing! But after a breather, literally, I went on to finish. I was very happy that I still like to jumprope, that I still had a bounce in my step, and that my limited breathing strength has perhaps made me slow down to the appropriate speed for timed jumps. Before I was like the hare, zoom zoom zoom!


[Art by louisiannadeanna]

Now I found my pace for the timed jumps. Nice! To get back into the groove, I tried to imagine myself in a variety of situations where jumping was crucial:
- Olympic hopscotch
- I'm a Harlem Globetrotter
- I'm riding a giant pogo stick
- I'm creating a new dance move which will take over weddings and class reunions by storm
- I'm up against Hillary Swank in the title character in Million Dollar Baby
- My driveway is actually a giant trampoline
- I'm a contestant on Wipeout!

Got any better ideas? Bonus points for the ridiculous, cute and absurd.

Hiatus: Which Side is Up?

So it's Day 89 for my wave of PCPers and I won't be among them truly finishing. Like Heather B., I'm signing on for an extended, slightly different version of the PCP Original. I've been grappling with how I feel about it. Lucky and unlucky. Lucky in that I get to finish; I *really* want to be one of those PCP Hall of Famers with the COMPLETED stamp on my blog. Unlucky in that today, instead of wraping it up with celebration, I still am wrangling with the PCP mindset now with less than favorable conditions (my mom's weeklong visit coupled with her unhealthy lifestyle, fall weather which can be dicey and full of asthamtic triggers like cold air and more germs ~ catching pneumonia during the time of year when I am most fit, when the weather is most kind to me rattled me a bit and so I look to the coming colder months with a bit of dread and heightened level of caution. Double grr!)

So yah, getting pneumonia sucked, set me back a bit and now I'm looking to a new finish line on the PCP of Day 125. *sigh* Not thrilled, but happy to have something to finish. Admittedly I've been less enthused about the PCP ever since I got sick. Yes, I may even have a bad attitude. Until I got sick, I did everything to the T on the PCP Original plan of 90 days. No shortcuts, no nibbles, no I'll-do-it-tomorrows which then turn into Nevers. Confession: I'm totally pissed about doing everything right and having something out of my control change the desired outcome. Well, delaying it a bit, how's that? I've been doing some strength exercises every day, which is doable and I feel the muscley fibers at work but I can tell I'm behind where I was at Day 59 (when pneumonia took me down HARD) and I totally suck wind at the jumpropes, which I do a few minutes, until I get winded, which is easily. I feel listless, adrift, not sure how much to do and try so I do what I can but am I wussing out? Am I overdoing it? Is this a pity party? I try not to sweat it, puff on the inhaler and although I'm a bit of a whiner, I'm definitely not a quitter. I want this. I like my skinny jeans ... Fred and Sidney deserved better.

So congrats to my PCP peers who get to wrap it up on Day 90. I'm really proud of you guys and you'll be my inspiration as I trudge on to Day 125. And thanks to the current PCPers who I've been reading daily; you've inspired me too with your energy and optimism and faith that it will turn out for the best, for our best, in the end.

So I'm eager to get started on this fresh start. That's how I am seeing it.

Hiatus: Now Where Was I?

I wanted to write last night but for some reason I could not access Gmail from my home computer. What gives? Anyhoo that minor delay allowed you all to witness my next new adventure on the PCP diet: pomegranate. It's purty, no?

Sorry about the scary knife. Kind of looks like carnage, no? Yeah ... fruit is still not my thing, I'm afraid, though I am fond of my Fuji apples and kiwis. I keep trying stuff out though, which is fun. Am taking recommendations!

Happy to be back with my strength exercises, though the ones using my own body weight, i.e. push-ups and such, are harder on me than the arm band exercises. Am hoping to sculpt Fred and Sidney into tiptop shape. Since I'm a little behind my fellow cohorts, who are in their final days and looking so good! go team go!, I'm just trying to find my mojo again. FYI: I picked up where I left off at Day 59 and do what I can until I tire, which is still easily after a long day at the office and as a mom. Must try to divide and conquer, with jumpropes in the morning and strength training at night.

Thanks for your patience!

Hiatus: And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program

Today I heard something I hadn't heard in two weeks: a grumbly tummy. That's right, folks! My appetite is back. I've been slowly introducing dairy and meat back into the diet as much as I could stomach it. I also had some a.m. and p.m. snacks the last two days. Would like to try to include protein shakes tomorrow and see how that goes. After that, I should be pretty close to normal PCP schedule. Hoorah!

Also I was worried that my energy shortage would never end. I don't think I can stress this enough: I live a full schedule. But I kept coming home from work day after day after day just zapped and, after the parenting and house duties, I would crawl into bed soon after my daughter fell asleep. And then yesterday it seemed to get worse: I went to bed at 8 p.m. and awoke this morning at 8 a.m. WHOA. Twelve hours of sleep? When will my old routine return? Is this a relapse? But I got home from work today, did the Mom thing, felt peppy even and after some reading homework with the kid, I thought I would try a few sets of arm band exercises.

It felt good.

Especially with the Biggest Loser premiere on tonight playing in the background. Especially when I used to watch that show last season while eating ice cream (!!!!). Oh how much has changed!

Day Fifty-Eight: Burn, Baby, Burn

So yeah ... my muscles hurt. But I like it. So do Fred and Sidney.

Day Fifty-Five: Picture This

Today was hard, and I felt like at this stage it shouldn't be. Not to say I couldn't be challenged per se, but why do I feel more like quitting than before? Grouch, grouch, grouch ... I don't feel like I have any good reason to grouch, either. So to pep myself up and avoid sounding ungrateful (I truly feel that at times grouching begets more grouching, which is harder to get out of, you know?), I want to post some pics of my "gym." These are the sights I see whilst slaving away at the PCP:

dragonfly by

petal pusher

thunderhead to the north

puffballs in the sky

eerie storm

homegrown pumpkin
thrift store patio table with a fresh coat of paint

Day Fifty-Four: Counting Cards is Bad

Today's high temperature was 98, (sorry only could find a map of yesterday's highs, which were a smidge under today's). That's 13 degrees above normal which broke a record from the late 1800s. I could tell it was going to be a scorcher today. This map is basically the color of my brain on a hot day. I had gotten behind on my PCP exercises due to some unexpected guests/events this weekend (darn you, weekends and your helter skelter lack of routine and schedule!) and so I woke up to catch up on them this morning. But even at 9a.m. in the shade the thermostat read near 80. Uh oh. I did as much as I could, then scurried inside, slammed some headache meds, ate and when the inside temps got to much (I don't have AC), I passed out in a sweaty, dreamy coma for the afternoon to avoid/sleep through the coming mirgaine. It was just too bright and sunny, which took me down HARD yesterday afternoon. It was rough. I didn't want a repeat performance; sleep, food and pain meds help. So do a quiet house.

When I awoke, I was rather chipper and did my usual PCP shopping and went on to finish my workout(s). The mosquitoes are getting smart and nailed me two places bug spray missed: my knuckles and my ears. Which makes it even harder to jump. Man ... I suck at these timed jumps. It's hard to slow down. I also get fatigue in my wrists, ankles and even my fingers holding the rope. I always have to stop for a few seconds, usually with 1:30 to go. And if I try to slow down, I trip. It really sucks when you trip, but then you get the nice sting from the rope against your legs or arms to remind you how much you truly suck. Implement of Torture indeed! To sweeten my timed jumps, which I time with my iPhone, I used a pinball ring tone, so when I'm finished, it sounds like I won the jackpot.

Day Fifty-Two: Role Model? or Rolls Model?

After my bath last night, I was getting dressed and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was in a new pair of skivvies and (sadly smaller) bra and I thought "Hey .... wait a second. I look ... trim!" Well, more trim. But there it was: muscle lines in my upper body, sleek calves, tightening thighs and ... what's this? Possible lines forming on the sides of my torso?!?!? Sure I still have a soft, gooey center, but ... it's smaller; the sides, narrower. NO WAY. See, I've always been a fairly modest person and typically Just Say No to Nudity kind of person (name that movie! anyone? anyone? Bueller? no, not Bueller! But guess! Great, great movie) especially since losing my eighth-grader body shape since the kid's arrival on the scene nearly six years ago.

Sure back then I traipsed along southwest Florida's beaches as a newly-minted 23-year-old vessel of human life in a two-piece, but I was comparative eye candy against octogenarians with breast implants. I was gonna win that swimsuit contest, hands down. But after the Great Birth, I felt deflated and my ego/body/self image never quite recovered. Which I am now reminded of every time I do planks (hello lower torso! I can see you waving to me as I stare down my own shirt! I'm waving, too! See?!?! See? My middle finger? Yep, that's for you, buddy!) *sigh* ... I also get this nifty little stabbing pain in my lower left abdomen that never goes away no matter how many ab exercises I do. I feel it every time with crunches, kung fu sit-ups, leg ups, side crunches. And I often feel sick to my stomach after these sets quivering on the floor. Will I ever feel or look good again?


This body image issue was doubly on my mind as I read this article today about Glamour featuring a photo of a "real woman" who is a plus-size model (ha, yea I know, right?) in this month's magazine. She's the person in the photo above. I was torn: I recognized some of myself in her, with her curves and lumps and dimply flesh yet there is joy and laughter and a messy ponytail. And then a small part of me was suspicious: is this just a ploy to get Fat America 'ok' with their curvy, lumpy, dimply selves? How does PCP fit into this movement of loving who you are physically, even with an unPCP body? Is this movement just breeding physical complacency and even laziness and gluttony? Is being unPCP acceptable if you make it popular? Argh too many questions ... brain freeze.

Day Fifty-One: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Completed my Day 50 and half of Day 51 exercises. I'll do the other half of Day 51 and entire Day 52 tomorrow. I feel good today!


The new menu has big changes: more bananas, protein shakes, AMAYW veggies and no true dinner. The exercise plans has changes, too. I'm adjusting to the timed jump ropes. I've always been more a sprinter than a marathoner, and with PCP it has felt no different. Before I liked to hurry my sets of 100 reps and I got pretty fast. But here I am again doing something new with the timed jumps my shins burn and my ankles and wrists are fatigued before two minutes are finished. I only had one set ~ the final one ~ where I jumped the entire time without stopping or tripping.

This is where it gets hard. But this is where I need to go. Fred and Sidney are excited for more. Pity that tank top season ends in mere weeks.

Day Fifty: No Go

It seems when I lack structure, all hell breaks loose. Today was a new schedule for me and the kiddo, and then some appointments I had made on my day off were canceled last minute which threw off my plans, and then my to-do list grew to 10+ things, and I got them all done by golly and while doing this I managed to eat PCP-ly which was fantastic especially since I really wanted pumpkin bread or a cookie, but see I was no where near a printer today (I don't own one) so I did not have my handy dandy printouts of my workouts and sure I could lug my computer out to the garage or scribble them down on scrap paper, but there's nothing as satisfying as the scratch of my pen making hash marks next to each workout and tiny printed-out Patrick deftly doing his PCP exercises. See I have a thing, I like this way of doing things and it didn't happen today. It'll happen tomorrow but not today unfortunately and now I have a headache and now I'm going to bed. Do I feel bad? A little bit. But I got 2/3 of PCP done today (blog + food), which is not an excuse and it's not enough but it's what I did get done. Tomorrow is back to 100 percent. Actually, 133 1/3 percent ... i was never good at math.

Day Forty-Seven: Right to Bare Arms

Today's exercises included, for the first time, kung fu sit-ups, which for the uninitiated, is a 1. leg lift while 2. hanging from a chip-up bar overhead. Think pull-up meets leg-up. Yea ... these suck. I also felt my regular crunches more deeply today.

First, no doorway of mine would fit my pull-up bar that I purchased. Too big, too narrow. Oh no! But after trying all the doorways, the bar looked to fit in the door to the garage (so not ideal for wintry months post-PCP) and I didn't have the means to get it installed tonight. So off to the nearby playground, which offers a nice array of bars for me to torment myself with. Then, I had a difficult time even just hanging there, let alone lifting my legs up to create an L-shape with my lower body. I had to rest with feet on the platform between each one. I felt a little bad for the profanity I spewed because it was, after all, not only an elementary school but my kiddo's school starting this week. Also, my delicate little lady palms are getting callouses. This, in addition to the inclined pull-ups I'm stuck doing because I completely lack the upper body strength to do even one regular pull-up, is rough on my hands. And the boys always complimented my soft hands ... No more, gents! Sorry! You can blame Patrick. I know I do. ;)

I try not to be disheartened that I cannot do much 0f any of these particular upper body exercises. No one likes feeling weak. No one likes repeatedly failing. But I'm trying to look at it as repeatedly trying so... I've got that going for me, eh? Err ... hey at least I can crank out the inclined pull-ups! Basically, and I've said this to a few people so far, I'm just striving for toned arms somewhere between scary Madonna and svelte Michelle Obama. I just wanna look good in a tank top.

p.s. Here is a pic of a chalk drawing by the kid: it's me exercising with my daughter by my side; she is holding an umbrella over my head because it is raining. Love that she is always looking out for me. (And that she notices I work out, even in the rain. She hates the rain.)

Day Forty-Five: Half Full or Half Empty?

My Day 45 post. Half way, baby!

So how do I feel?

I'm excited to be at the midway point.
But will I lose steam? Or am I just getting starting?
Is this just a phase? Or a rest-of-life change?
Will I ever eat an Oreo again? Will I even want to?

Stay tuned!

Day Forty-Four: O-Face

(what did you think i was going to write about? sheesh, people)

My MO during this kind of week is utter exhaustion. It reared its ugly head after work, though the yawning started early afternoon. Listless and bored, I got home and climbed into bed for "just a bit" but woke up two hours later. It was dark. Crickets. Coyotes. Bed felt so good I considered just staying until the morning. But I didn't. I got out of bed telling myself I would just do the jump ropes. But then I fell into my usual PCP routine and wa-LAH! I was done and only suffered two mosquito bites. Reminded me of this:

You never regret working out; you always regret when you don't.

Day Forty-Two: I'll Cry if I Want To

The jump ropes were smooooooth today, if I may say so myself. Cranked 1,500 out lickety split with nary a trip amongst my sets and I managed to impress a carload of booming-music, disaffected teens who were cruising up and down my street in their sweet, sweet ride. Thanks, morons.

Also received the next week's exercises + diet plan. FINALLY: a week more of 1,500 j-ropes and then we go to the timed portions of j-ropes. Something new! I wonder if I can hang. I'll probably hate it. But who cares! I want to see if I can do it. Uncool: Patrick docked coffee from my diet. Well, he said we could have one cup a day. Um, hello? You cannot be serious. Now, folks, let's remember this blog post as where I throw a hissy fit.


IDONTWANNA!NO!YOUCAN'TMAKEME!IHATEYOU!WHYOHWHYOHWHYOHWHY!WHYDOYOUHATEME!WHYAREYOUDOINGTHISTOME!ARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH NONONONONONONONOIDONTWANNA!YOURETHEDEVIL!

OK. I think I'm OK now. No, nope, that's just not true.

I've quit coffee before. Like four times or something. And it was sucky every time. Like really sucky. And pre-PCP I was having >one cup in the a.m. and MAYBE >one cup in the afternoon. I was content with this. But now I'm back to a 3-cup a day habit (you SAID coffee was permittable! you SAID!) and now I have to cut back and yes I want to cry. Weep, even. Couldn't I just do, like, extra sets of tricep dips? or side crunches? Please? Pretty please?