Day Thirty-Eight: When Other People Suck

Dear You,

I heard You snicker in my direction as someone asked about the PCP and wanted to see the muscle lines appearing on my bicep. You snickered as you walked by so perhaps you didn't think I would notice, but I noticed. And then I called You out on it. Did you just snicker at me? Why would you snicker at me? I know I'm not as tough or as hardcore as You. But You never judged me before for my size, whether I was willowy or post-pregnancy lumpy. And You see me almost everyday out with the jump rope or writhing down on the floor of a dirty garage attempting ab exercises that You know hurt me physically and egotistically. And I thought You understood because you most of the time help me find the time to fit the PCP into my life and You humor my questions about fitness. And You yourself have something that resembles peak condition; isn't that something I should have, too? Your snicker now makes me think otherwise ...

Your snicker sucked. Your snicker stuck. Not forever, but for now. But You will still find me out with my jump rope and out on the floor of the garage and showing people my blooming muscles lines. So thanks, I needed another motivator.


Sincerely, Me

Day Thirty-Seven: Momma Said Knock You Out

Warning: I'm feeling feisty. This is neither good nor bad. Just is. Punchy. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. You can't catch me! I blame my workout this morning. I only did half before I rushed off to work (all 1,400 jump ropes, all leg exercises, and push-ups --- how I've missed you, one of the few exercises that makes me feel strong and not weak!). But I've had some kiwi (forgot how much I enjoy those), and bought some new protein powder to try, and when I get home later tonight, the rest of my PCP workout awaits me in the dark. Guess which tune I will be humming ...

Day Thirty-Six: Please Answer in the Form of a Question

PCP workouts are tough enough some days, but then I have days like today, where my chatterbox 5-year-old daughter pops in:



Scene: the opened garage at a typical mass-produced house in a typical American suburb. Dusk. A mother is attempting various exercises, including 1,400 jumpropes, bicycles, sets of 40-second planks, and a variety of arm exercises.

Mother, jumping yet another set of 100 jump ropes: (one, two, three, four, five, si-)
Kid: Hey Moooooom? Can I have Oreos?
Mother: (SIX, seven, eight, nine,te-)
Kid: MOM? Can I have five Oreos?
Mom: FOUR. You (ten) can (eleven) have (twelve) four (thirteen. thirteen? four? fourteen? shit!)
Kid: But I want five Oreos.
Mom: (stops jumping) No. You can have four. Or zero if you ask me again.
Kid: Four! (runs inside house)
Mom: Shit. Fuck. Piss. Where was I ...

Ten minutes later...
Mom, attempting bicycle exercise for the first time. Hips popping: One. Ow. Two. Three.
Kid, pops in: Hey MOM! Did you know?!??! There is a bad robot in the Transformers?
Mom: OH YEAH? *only* twenty* MORE ... SEC-
Kid: YEAH, he's really bad. DID YOU KNOW THAT HE CAUSED A BIG FIGHT? WITH THE ODDER ROBOTS? AND HE HAD RED EYES? WHY DID HE HAVE RED EYES? AND-
Mom: YEAH that's great. *pop pop pop* Can you go inside now please?
Kid: why?
Mom: I'll see you in a bit.
Kid: But why?
Mom: I'll see you in a bit.
Kid: OK! (door slams)

Ten minutes after that ...
Mom, counting her reps of pull downs: (one, two, three, sweat rolls into eye, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten)
Kid: Hey mom! HOOOOOOW come this show with da REAL people talk about the Dragon Warrior?
Mom: (eleven) wha? (sweat rolls into other eye)
Kid: *sigh* The Dragon Warrior, Mom! You know!!!! Just like Kung Fu Panda! With Tigress, and the snake and the crane and they all thought they were the Dragon Warrior but NUH_UH! It was Panda! PANDA WAS THE DRAGON WARRIOR! so how can a real people be a Dragon Warrior, too? Why Mom? Why?
Mom: *sigh* I don't know.
Kid: But why, mom? tell it! tell it!
Mom: I don't know. (seven? eleven? shit!)
Kid: why mom? why?
Mom: *sigh* can you go please sit down inside? I don't remember where I was.
Kid: Actually mom, you're *supposed* to say 'Now where was I?' (door slams)

/end scene/

I realize some PCPers with kids have completed the PCP before me perhaps without complaint or distraction, but but but but but .... I felt like I was on Jeopardy WHILE attempting the hardest exercises of my life. Now ... I don't know if Patrick our fearless leader has any offspring, but dude, I'd like to see him complete his toughest PCP workout with a mini Alex Trebeck, I'm thinking ages 3 to 6 years old, with question after question after question while he focuses on new, difficult exercises that are literally ripping his muscles. And did I mention the sweat? In the eyes? Just a friendly little thought I had. With the sweat. In my eyes. With my chatty kid. And all her questions. As my muscles ripped.

Day Thirty-Five: Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another?

As I write this, I'm munching on a plate of beautiful beets and tasty zucchini. Happily. When did this happen? And when did "only" 1,400 jump ropes become a welcomed relief? This last week I've been hardcore cravings for Mexican food and for ice cream. Like very specific cravings, the kind I've only had back in the preggers days. And today, after a sudden, urgent visit to the pediatrician for yet again the kid's chronic ear bleeding and subsequent referral to a specialist, some familiar thoughts visited me ... like how this stress and anxiety would be momentarily relieved only by, say, a cake donut or some cheesy nachos at home. I came home, tried to eat lunch but had no appetite. I had my afternoon snack instead. I took a nap. I woke up and did my jump ropes. Again, my shins are on fire. And my appetite returned. And I have my beautiful beets and tasty zukes. And tomorrow will be more of the same. Yes, please.

Day Thirty-Four: Lay Your Hands On Me

Nothing new to report, except this kink in my upper right body continues to torture me. Might go get a massage to see if I can get some relief that way. Other than that, I'm just sticking to the food and exercise plans and trying not to let self-doubt creep in. Tonight I cooked some garden zucchini with basil, olive oil, garlic and oregano, and made another batch of Shelby's jam recipe (I'm forever eternally grateful!), and my exercises, while not easy, went quickly. Keeping the faith ...

Day Thirty-Three: Head Case

Hoorah! I'm finally where I need to be on the PCP. Got the right foods. Got my exercises for Day 32-33 completed. But it was a tough day. My shins are ON FIRE. The last 100 jump ropes of the day were the worst. I felt like crying. My body was not cooperating. I cursed and threw my jumprope. My frustration this evening grew out of when I got another migraine after my a.m. workout. Even though I got done by 10a.m.-ish, it was already very hot and bright here in Colorado. I tried the usual things to prevent my migraine: wore sunglasses, drank lots of water, tried to stay in the shady spots, avoided the midday hours. But my brain sloshed around inside my skull and I was rendered useless the rest of the day. I peeled myself off the cool couch in the dim living room to do my p.m. workout at 730ish. The mosquitoes were all over me even as I sprayed myself with big spray. Ugh. But I finished. I didn't know if I would.

It's scary: today's exercise is the easiest it's going to get from here on out. That's what I thought tonight as I worked out (I prefer to do so silently since so few of my waking hours are quiet). Once upon a time, doing 1,000 jump ropes seemed insane. Leg ups and sit-ups seemed impossible. Yet I'm doing them regularly and increasingly so. Yes, I realize I'm in a mental valley, and it seems sucky and dark and pitiful and painful. Am looking forward to the climb up and outta here. It's the only way to go from here. See you at the peak!

Day Thirty-Two: Catch Up and Muster

I'm sore today. And Patrick sent us an email today about stretching. Serendipity?

I feels as though as there are not enough massage therapists or hot baths to ease my tension in my body tonight. It's my right shoulder blade area and migrates north up my neck into my skull and straight out the front my forehead. Tension so tight it caused a migraine today. Felt sensitive to movement and light. Sick. Oh well. But I got a lot done: my usual Saturday cardio KBing and belated Day 31 PCP exercise, which went surprisingly smooth for how awfully tired I was at the time. I think my migraine could be blamed on the lackluster nutrition of the last few days (totally my fault that I under-ate; the PCP plan is there for a reason!), lack of good sleep and exercising midday in the hot sun. Duh. Never doing that again! Never realized how much learning I would be doing on the PCP...

Tomorrow is Day 32 workout in the a.m. and Day 33 workout in the p.m. Few things lately are as satisfying as crossing off my exercises for the day. Am happy to report I scored beets and cucumbers from the local farmer's market. Got everything else at the grocer's. Cupboards full again. Ahh. Much better.