It's Been Real, It's Been Fun ... But It Ain't Been Real Fun! (jk)

My apologies: didn't mean to leave everyone hanging I've just been uh a little preoccupied and distracted. But I wanted to give my wrap-up on the PCP.

- I'm glad I did it, and I think it's very much worth the price. If you consider the personalized diet plans, the daily exercise plans and how very hands on and available Patrick is, the PCP is a steal. You will NOT find that at any gym or from any personal trainer. This can be an intimate, honest and challenging experience. Growth, personal and physical, is supposed to be uncomfortable.

- I'm happy about what the PCP taught me. It kind of reset my lifestyle habits which had slowly over the last 10 years or so gotten a little ridiculous. I'm no longer salting my food, I am happy to have cream in my coffee sans the uh spoonfuls of sugar, and I just try to make thoughtful food choices. I recognize now that if I miss out on protein early in the day, I will pay the price for overeating crap later. I became reacquainted with unadulterated vegetables. My disdain for yogurt and bananas is surely galvanized.

- I am a happier person when I exercise. I rediscovered the joy I had as a kid in jumping rope and will keep it in regular rotation. I also like having arm muscles, especially like Fred and Sidney. I lost approximately 10 pounds on the PCP, and I went lower on both a bra size (sad) and a pant size (score!).

- In the simplest terms, I got to know myself better. My triggers in terms of what makes me sing and feel triumphant (checking off my little PCP to do list, really enjoying my meal) and what can derail me (the blues, routine interruption, feeling famished).

- Saying no can be a good thing. I've strengthen my self-control on food, for sure, and it has eked out into the other portions of my life. My choices are more absolute, desired more deeply.

- The PCP got a lot of people in my life talking about their own lifestyle habits and it was insightful to hear their experiences, hopes and disappointments. A few are considering participating in a future PCP session. I myself plan to revisit the PCP after the holidays, starting over with Day 1.

So um yea ... I hate good-byes. Not really my thing. But I do want to say I'm so proud of all the PCPers, I feel like we are all friends even though we've never met but could talk long on the best methods for mixing protein shakes and that awesome shakey walking way of failure. And I plan to be back, so enjoy the holidays (but not too much!!!) and be safe and I will see you in a few months.

luv, mel

The Weatherman called it an Active Week

Photo of my friend's backyard yesterday. Yep, there's even more snow today.

Hello, hello. Just chillin' in my house. No, really. It's like 20 degrees outside with a foot of snow on the ground and it started snowing again just now. Boulder got 21 inches of snow. Um, it's October, people. It's flippin' cold in my garage and my car is now parked in it. No jumpropes for me the last two days. Just some arm bands and stomach exercises but really I would like the PCP to be over with so it's this thing I want to do again. I'm in survival mode. My little crisis with my ex just hangs over my head, and will do so for the next two weeks at least, and not to sound bitter or melodramatic but it makes things like counting grams and and exercising until failure seem unimportant.

I got to thinking about sacrifice lately. And I think you really need to be in the right mindset to complete the PCP. I'll finish it in a few days and I will be really glad, but I don't feel like I completed it the way I could have or should have or hoped for. I think about maybe not being in the right mindset, or how I was and how I am not anymore. I'll be glad when it's over not because I can eat an indulgence I want but it will just be one less thing to do, to worry about. I guess I don't know if I am cut out for the PCP, though I do think about reviving it in January maybe when or if life resumes a sense of normalcy. Remember when life was boring? Right now there is too much drama; I've cried every night for the last two weeks. I find the strength to get out of bed and put on a fake smile for the kid. I feel like I don't have any strength left beyond that really. There is a reason the PCP doesn't take on new people during these wintry months, I suppose. Holidays, travel, weather. My little family dynamic is changing drastically fast and financial worries crowd into my brain. I didn't expect this. It feels like a bomb went off. I feel derailed. Half-hearted. I still pay attention to my food choices, but I could care less if I eat another yogurt ever in my life. ;) Sure I'm grouchy and I apologize because, really, I am a fun person and my college nickname was "cute as a button" because I was so darn chipper and cute, like an LOLcat. And I'm grouchy not because of the PCP, but I feel like I got a second chance and I am not doing so hot with it. And I wish I was one of those people who when life got them down they got angry or used that to overcome adversity but really I am just deeply sad and a little frightened, which is maybe worse. I don't feel like I am strong enough physically or mentally or emotionally these days to deal with my life, let alone the PCP.

That being said, skinny jeans still fit, I rarely think about all the Halloween candy around me and I'm only a few pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight.

Eat Pray Love

In the last 48 hours, I've had a few different people from different parts of my life comment on "how skinny I am getting." One noticed my arms (welcome to the gun show! pow pow!). I felt embarrassed yet pleased. My instinct was to brush it off. It felt weird; I guess I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Truth is, PCP is really the last thing on my mind these days; I feel like a little zombie and there is not joy in it for me. I'm just a little robot trying to complete task. And that's not a reflection on the PCP ... just I'm spending a lot of time dealing with this transitional time in my life concerning parenting, money, and two very different schedules and lifestyles. I look forward to when I can stop worrying about the PCP. Though tonight when I ran to the store to get a few things, I picked up a box of hot cocoa mix, but then put it back. PCP, I can't quit you ...

When It Rains, It Pours

I'm holding on, people, by my fingertips. When I'm not doing have-tos, I'm laying down to heal my brain and heart. Bad news is coming in. Some of it directly affects me. The world, my world maybe, feels like a difficult and scary place at the moment. There is light at the end of the tunnel; I just hope it's not a train.

I know there is good. Fred and Sidney continue to pop a little more. The scale reads a lower number for multiple days (so it must be true, right?). I may need a belt with my skinny jeans; I really hate belts though. And then there's the kid who doesn't ask about Chinese food or Oreos as often. I continue to have a hankering for celery. I struggle with trying to eat enough, sleep enough, move enough, be enough to those in my life. The other day I was questioning if the PCP is just selfish and vain in the pursuit of eye-candy bodies or something that makes us better so we can better serve those important to us, by sticking around longer with better health AND eye-candy bodies.

I miss my old jumprope.

Crisis

Ugh my free time the last few days have been occupied by small fires in my personal life, so I do as much of the exercises (admittedly not all, usually anything involving a bar) as I can in the late night before exhaustion sends me to bed. One of these crisis is with the ex (seriously, don't ever get divorced, it totally, totally, totally, totally sucks), which is a major life changer and will be ongoing, and one was minor and with the child (who probably had H1N1 this week since experts say it's too early for seasonal flu; she's doing better now and went back to school today).

And of course you all know my jumprope broke and I hope to right after I post this to run to a store and hunt one down. The ones at Target were NOT like my beloved jumprope so I'm on a mission, a mission from GAWD, to find a worthy replacement. Also, I'm probably not eating enough historically during these highly stressful times I tend to lose my appetite AND not sleep well) but when I eat it's PCP things (having a thing for green beans, as well as celery lately). So there's that.

Day 104 (Day 70 Revisited): Mountains or Molehills?

- I broke my jumprope while jumping in my second set of jumps tonight. At $1.99 from Target, though, it served me well! Guess I'll get a new one tomorrow.

- I tried some Greek yogurt. Fage brand. First, a tiny spoonful. I made a face. But it was better than regular yogurt! I consider this progress. I then dipped some celery into it. Better! I still hate yogurt. But I tried another new food, thanks to the PCP and PCPers.

- The weather has been cold (in the 20s and snowy) the last few days, and the kid and I both have this sneezy/coughing business going on. She's on the couch now, with a fever and aches. Poor thing. I bought some orange juice for us to drink, and while it may not be PCP, it historically helped in fighting sickness so bottoms up! *sigh* It just feels impossible during times like this to PCP.

Day 102 (Day 68 Revisited): Baby It's Cold Outside

Here is what I woke up to today:

This is my backyard patio, complete with homegrown pumpkins.
Brrr.
It's still snowing.
Temperatures outside: mid 20s Fahrenheit.
Temperature in the closed garage (my new exercise spot):
40 degrees Fahrenheit.
Brrr.
Wish me luck.