Hiatus: Which Side is Up?

So it's Day 89 for my wave of PCPers and I won't be among them truly finishing. Like Heather B., I'm signing on for an extended, slightly different version of the PCP Original. I've been grappling with how I feel about it. Lucky and unlucky. Lucky in that I get to finish; I *really* want to be one of those PCP Hall of Famers with the COMPLETED stamp on my blog. Unlucky in that today, instead of wraping it up with celebration, I still am wrangling with the PCP mindset now with less than favorable conditions (my mom's weeklong visit coupled with her unhealthy lifestyle, fall weather which can be dicey and full of asthamtic triggers like cold air and more germs ~ catching pneumonia during the time of year when I am most fit, when the weather is most kind to me rattled me a bit and so I look to the coming colder months with a bit of dread and heightened level of caution. Double grr!)

So yah, getting pneumonia sucked, set me back a bit and now I'm looking to a new finish line on the PCP of Day 125. *sigh* Not thrilled, but happy to have something to finish. Admittedly I've been less enthused about the PCP ever since I got sick. Yes, I may even have a bad attitude. Until I got sick, I did everything to the T on the PCP Original plan of 90 days. No shortcuts, no nibbles, no I'll-do-it-tomorrows which then turn into Nevers. Confession: I'm totally pissed about doing everything right and having something out of my control change the desired outcome. Well, delaying it a bit, how's that? I've been doing some strength exercises every day, which is doable and I feel the muscley fibers at work but I can tell I'm behind where I was at Day 59 (when pneumonia took me down HARD) and I totally suck wind at the jumpropes, which I do a few minutes, until I get winded, which is easily. I feel listless, adrift, not sure how much to do and try so I do what I can but am I wussing out? Am I overdoing it? Is this a pity party? I try not to sweat it, puff on the inhaler and although I'm a bit of a whiner, I'm definitely not a quitter. I want this. I like my skinny jeans ... Fred and Sidney deserved better.

So congrats to my PCP peers who get to wrap it up on Day 90. I'm really proud of you guys and you'll be my inspiration as I trudge on to Day 125. And thanks to the current PCPers who I've been reading daily; you've inspired me too with your energy and optimism and faith that it will turn out for the best, for our best, in the end.

So I'm eager to get started on this fresh start. That's how I am seeing it.